Concoction to a Perfect Marriage : Does It Exist

The DREAM:
Guy Sees girl, girl sees guy, their eyes meet, heart skips a beat, stomach gives a churn, a wave of electricity rushes through the body, and BOOM LOVE Happens!! Like really, love at first sight, Arrrrghh, Nah that’s just dream, I don’t believe in love at first sight.

Dream within a Dream:
Dating begins, they meet, talk, stare, touch, feel, hug, kiss, get intimate, and love blossoms, they remain inseparable, can’t do without talking each day, have to meet at least once a week, can’t think of life without one another, and blah blah blah.

Dream Shattered:
They MARRY!! Plain and Simple.

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And just like that the dream shatters. Life changes, turmoil’s begin, love diminishes, diapers come in, eyes meet only in anger, stomach churns at the thought of POOP, feel like giving electric shock to one another so on and so forth.
And we start finding ways to rekindle our relationship, get back the missing spark, go back in history when fell in love. Hmmmmm…..

So Here I am spreading my GYAN on the perfect marriage concoction, let me think, let me prepare the perfect recipe for you, Oooooopsss, SORRY, I just can’t do that for you, Can I. I don’t know who you are, what you are like, do you like cuddling, or do you like being pampered, are you the controller, or are you all in for PDA. I don’t know if you share your bank accounts, or signed a pre-nup, or are you a stay-at-home mum, or an established professional. I don’t know anything about you.

So I cannot possibly meddle into anybody’s life, judge it and decide the ways to improve because I don’t know a thing about you. What works wonders for me probably might instigate an argument in your relationship. So eat other’s head off, if that works for you, fight over T.V. soaps, opinions on politics, bread, dinner, who cleans the poop of your angel. I will sit back in silence and judge but not utter a word. Because I have stopped meddling in other people’s lives, Yes I have.
But you see I can’t do without spilling a few beans, I just have to, it is me, the BEAN Spiller, so just a few average reasonable suggestions from my end.

Your Husband is not everything, He is not, no one is, no one can be, so focus on yourself, ask more out of yourself in life, and stop expecting too much, he cannot do everything. You want something in life, financially, emotionally, go ahead, the world is open for you, earn it for yourself (But you yearn for something physically, come back to your dear hubby ). Be realistic, for him as well as yourself.

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SO that’s my friendly advice to you. You must be thinking O.K. just one, NAH, here’s another and this one is just because I care, I really do 😉

Never make a promise when you are happy (Trust me it is their game plan, to get us all happy dappy and get our nod on things we normally would not give a nod on), and Don’t make a decision when you are angry cause invariably you will regret it later.

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O.K. now since I have started on this topic my last piece of input, not advice, just remember that not all things can be solved, but it can be worked upon, always, don’t fret if it does not lead to the conclusion you desired, it might never will, just keep going, it is workable, everything under the sun is. So do not give up. Not on someone your heart skipped a beat for, because skipping a beat is not normal medically, let this unnatural thing persist, because it happened for a reason and the reason is both of you together.

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So marriage is like this association between a nut and bolt, sometimes we buy the smaller bolts, sometimes a larger nut, and they don’t always fit perfectly on first try, but we make them fit, change them, replace them but make them work, so if we can do that for a nut and a bolt, we can do it for our marriage too, Isn’t it !!

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One Life to Live and Love :)

I took a day off today to spend some time at home, I did all the things I loved doing (As much as I could with a toddler fiddling along), read a long pending book (Tried finishing it but could not Alas!), played with my little munchkin, tried teaching her new things (And she learns fast, touch wood), and ended up watching the idiot box when my honeybun took a nap and I loved it. I stumbled upon “P.S. I Love YOU”, must I say here that I am not a very big fan of the movie or the book. Somehow it never appealed to me much, I am all for romantic flicks but this one never touched a chord. And my friends were huge fans!! But today when I watched it, I was hooked to it like anything. Probably it was because I am terribly upset with my husband lately (over issues that feel extremely insane now), like Holly is with Gerry in the beginning, or perhaps because it made me realise that life is so precarious, we don’t know what is in our stock tomorrow.

Hmmm it cropped a lot of questions in my mind like, why are we so entangled in our everyday chores that we fail to take time out for our love, why does our ego come our way, why do we decide not to say sorry or bend forward or backward, why do we become so stubborn, why don’t we realise that probably love is all that matters, to stay happily. It brings such peace of mind, such completeness but still we try to go against it because things are not turning our way. Money, a perfect house, luxury, a perfect life, that becomes priority, and in the process of achieving all this we forget that it was love that brought us together, love that kept us together till now and not these materialistic comforts of life. But it is easier said than done, as much I decide to bury these whimsical thoughts in my head and let love only suffice, I fail. It does not come easy. But it also scares me to my soul to think at times the amount of time or even days I spent being angry with my husband, I am missing out on so much, wasting such precious time which could be spend loving and being loved, but it just does not happen.

Not having my husband around for any possible reason terrifies me, I love him, I love him to the core, he is my best friend, my companion, my soul mate, the bond that I share with him ever since we both were teenagers cannot be replaced by anything. He is a wonderful man, and I need to understand that time flies, it is never the same, it never comes back. These are such clichéd lines but so true. I need to start living in NOW, not worry about tomorrow; perhaps future will pave a much better path than I anticipate. But I am such a planner, I need to know what holds for me in the future, I cannot live without knowing what is coming ahead. And this idea occupies the better half of my brain most of the time. I don’t need to worry about my new house, my daughter’s education, her marriage, a better brighter future, all will be taken care of by my man and I am there to support him.

But Alas I am not very sure for how long I can cling on this thought or it will again pass as it always does once the impact of the movie fades. But I am reiterating whatever I decide each time I ponder after a fight, Living NOW is important, being loved is important, keeping away your differences and still loving is important, cherishing today is important, keeping no grudges is important. We can always make a better life if we are together, loving each other, but this time, this will not come back. We should be able to respect what god has given us, blessings of being loved by someone. It is one life that is given to us we should able to give it our best so that we don’t have any regrets later. Life is mad but coming out sane is all is needed. Let us not give life a chance to make us feel remorseful, let us be around the one we love and make him feel special NOW. Let us embrace our today so we can be happy and blissful tomorrow.

P.S. : I Love You

Similarity and Not Opposite Attract : The New BuzzWord

Well well where do I even start on this one. I can go all day long elaborating this topic. Is getting married a bed of roses, is it the most mushy gushy feeling ever, does being married completes you as the world says, is love and trust all needed for a successful married life. I have my doubts on all the above mentioned facts. Argggh and yes I have been married for a good five years now, so you can expect some pretty good feedback from my end. Dissimilarity in a relationship might seem to work on a superficial level but deep down similarities in both personalities play a pivotal role.

I fell in love with my husband and married him pretty young, he had created magical world around me, the world I had never seen, where everything it seemed was just plain PERFECT. And I got woven and stuck in the mystical world of love and marriage. From the beginning he was different from me, his interests, outlook never matched mine, but the physics theory of “Opposites Attract” occupied the better part of my brain. His nonchalant, living on the edge, being spendthrift, non-organised fascinated me.. I loved being around him, our differences attracted me more towards him. We were and still are Ying and Yang, totally opposites, but we are also Hillary and Tenzing for each other. You see dating is one thing and getting married is completely the opposite. Meeting for a day or spending a night is completely different from spending our entire lives with someone. Gosh and I did not realise this !! We read a lot that successful marriages is all about love, building trust, caring, accepting all odds. But all said and done trust me all this does not come easy. I love my husband, he has been my best friend like forever now. I can’t think of a day that I haven’t shared my thoughts with him; you see I have to or else it keeps lingering inside me. He makes me laugh like no one else ever can, he bullies me, pampers me and does everything right, he loves my parents, is more patient than I am, is a good father to our daughter, keeps my secrets, the list is too long, but still there is something about him that still irks me. I can’t really explain what, it is either him or the institution of marriage itself that gets on my nerves I am not sure.

All I know is that marriage is not a cake walk, accepting someone with all their flaws, might be spiritual but it does not come easy. See the thing is as the cliché goes “Opposites attract each other” but it is such a farfetched reality. Opposites attract but after a course of time the traits of being opposites is what starts irking. Love does not dwindle in a marriage it has not, atleast in mine but other things take priority, work, family, money, and then it becomes difficult to find a balance. I miss the old carefree times of our dating, where every date was special, but slowly life after marriage becomes monotonous, especially if you don’t share the same interest like in mine, I love travelling on road, living in cheap places, eating roadside food, bag packing and leaving for just anywhere but my husband’s idea of a holiday are five star destinations, I love reading, he hates it, I love movies, he is not a big fan, then how do we find a balance?????

I am still finding the answer to this, finding a middle ground. Come to think of it, at times its good too, he is so busy that I get time to do my things my way. But nevertheless I miss him. I want him to be a part of my adventure as much as I want to be a part of his (He does not have many adventures though). He may sound very boring here but he is not, he is a total freak just that his idea of fun is different from mine. His idea of life is different from mine, his aspirations are different from mine. In being different from one other we do fill the void where we are incomplete but fail to complete ourselves as well. Having someone with the same disposition as ours is important as it affirms the consistency of our desires, thoughts, and attitude.

Perhaps sacrifice is one of the options to attain equilibrium in a marriage but I would like to vehemently believe that this is a temporary solution as is acceptance. It is also possible that over time we start appreciating and accepting our dissimilar interests. Nothing is permanent, so is the human mind, hence perhaps someday we might just end up enjoying things we both like. I have a near to perfect husband, probably it is only me who wants more out of my life.

Marriage in itself is a complicated and precarious balance of similarities and nuanced differences, but it is like baking a perfect cake, a lot of stirring is required to incorporate air and bake a perfect cake and finally enjoy.

Note: Written in a foul mood !!