To Start Living, Rather than Merely Existing

I can’t see the bigger picture, I just can’t. I live in the small things, I am always scared to take the leap, personally, professionally, financially, anything, change terrifies me. My husband always teases me that I am not a risk-taker, I calculate my steps, I am a planner,  I save, I fret about finances, I fret about expenses, I ponder a lot before making any investments. Ahhh, this is me, and trust me I so want to change somethings about myself, I want to feel free, slacken, enjoy life, but it does not come easily to me. And also over time I realized that nothing is enough for me, I always kept praying, “God, just a little more and then I would be content”. But it so never happens.

So I decided after a lot and lot and lot of pondering that there are certain things that I really need to change. I mean I see people around who have much less than what I have and they manage just fine, and I keep wondering how? The trick is to find solace in what I have right now. So here are my set of rules that trust you me I would imbibe them soon into my life (Fingers crossed!!!).

First and foremost, STOP, STOP and I mean like RED LIGHT STOP moaning about things I don’t have and appreciate the things I have, I know it sounds trite and stale but that’s the truth, looking at the world around and envying what they have achieved, does not help in any way, so I think it would be better that I start appreciating and improving what I have right here with me.

The next up on my list is something I absolutely loved doing when I was much younger, I really don’t know why I stopped, and it is to DAYDREAM. OMG don’t we all just daydream, I used to daydream about almost everything when I was much younger and those little precocious dreams of mine eventually used to turn to reality. But then I stopped, I thought it just did not make sense, I came to believe in doing rather than dreaming. Though no doubt the latter is important but so is dreaming, it opens so many doors to go out and achieve. And so I have decided to spend some time in dreaming every day. Oh it will be so much fun!!! J

Alright so up next, you see I am very bold, I argue and challenge things a lot, but I am scared of making fun of myself in public and hence more than often I don’t take risks or don’t try something new. It scares me to bits to think that I would not turn out good at it and this stops me from even giving it a shot. Perfection is very important to me. I really need to stop doing that and start taking risks as there is so much to explore and achieve. I so need to get out of my dreadful zone of doubt and just go out there and do whatever it is.

And yet again, I have to absolutely stop being the control freak that I am, let go and accept certain things, my house can never be clean all day along, especially when I have a toddler. I cannot keep wiping the bathroom floors after every single drop of water that is spilled. I cannot keep arranging my cushions every time I feel that somebody sat on the sofa and pressed my cushions too hard.

I don’t want to be miserable anymore. Stress from job, marriage, home, kid, gets on me most of the time. The pressure to be the best hovers on my head all the time, and in the process I am losing my sanity. Letting go, delegating, taking a break now and then, making time for myself, not being affected by what others a have achieved or what others are doing, especially the social media crap, I mean watching my friend’s post of the latest place she visited swirls my mind, as if I am missing out on so many things, where in reality I am happy where I am. I think I push myself too hard, sometimes so hard that I fear that the thread of my patience would snap. So from here on, I have decided to take a break, give a pat on my back now and then, because I know I am awesome. I still have many years to live (I hope!!), so it is better that I start living it as well.

Behind the Forbidden Doors

She sat at the window and glared down the road. The sweeper was cleaning the ruins from the last night, she watched as he swept and let many things remain where they were. There was no point telling him that he was being lazy as he would not pay any heed to her, like many did not. She continued watching the day unfold. People walked down the road, shops were starting to open for the day. There were not many who looked up to see her, some young men did now and then, glaring was often followed by whistles. Nothing made her uncomfortable now, she was well adjusted to her surroundings, this the life she had chosen, this is the life she needed to survive.

She got up from the balcony and sighed, and went to the kitchen to make her breakfast, last night was horrible. She realized she did not have the same energy anymore and she was not interested in fulfilling every customer’s whims any longer. Money was all she needed to survive and it was hard getting any these days. People were always interested in the younger girls, and she was aging. She lacked the patience now and had almost forgotten the art of seduction. Survival was her sole motive to stay here. There was nothing much to look forward to for her, already in her late thirties, she had never had kids, neither did she want any. Her own family had disowned her years ago, she herself was left with no urge to meet them.

After a long breakfast, she cleaned up her room, she had always been tidy, even though the world called her a ‘dirty woman’, she liked her surroundings clean. She had cried after her first customer inconsolably, she could hardly remember how she had reached here, years of work had made her memory bleak. The business was good when she was young, she had entertained all sorts of men in her prime years. Some were sweet, some cruel, yet some abusive and some were lover boys. She remembers falling for one and almost running away with him far away from this world before the lover boy got cold feet. After this she understood the world like she never had before, she never trust anyone, just did her business and went on.

As years passed by, she had several ups aand downs but she was always happy that no matter how, she was able to take care of her needs on her own. This little world of hers had made her strong and she knew come what may she could very well take care of herself. Sure if a chance came she decided many times to leave everything and lead a normal life, but over the years she also understood that once here you could never be anywhere else. Even if she tried and forget, the world always remembered.

As the day drew close to an end, her day was just beginning, as the shops closed downstairs, quirky lights lit up her area. She readied herself for the night ahead, a deep plunging neckline, with a bright lipstick, topped with a flashy face and clinking bangles, and a lot of talcum powder, she was ready for the night. She stood near a pole and started gesturing at men passing by, calling out men to come and take her with them. Some came near but she was not happy with the money they were offering, many preferred going to the much younger girls around. The night ended with no customers for her. It was worrying as she still had to pay the rent. She climbed up the stairs to reach her room and took a blanket over her, it was a cold night. As she slept she dreamt of her village when she was a little girl, she was running to the river with her friends to take a bath, the wind was cool and she was happy playing with her friends, she could not wait to go back home to her mother who she knew had prepared her favorite rice and dal. After a heavy meal, she remembered falling asleep in her mother’s lap as her mother told her stories of a prince charming who would come soon to take her along. She could only smile as she went into the dreamland.

The Life That I Live, The Life That I Want

Ever had this thought, ever been ungrateful for the life you have. I know it sounds weird and absurd, the moral police will just jump in to say “There are so many who do not even have the privilege of the life you have”. But this does not pacify me a bit, I don’t know probably I am just plain selfish and mean. I am all up for charities and social work but I keep myself first and then think of others. Does that make me a bad person. The silly part is that the answer to this question does not make a difference to me, I really don’t think it makes a difference to me. It astounds me at times to think that I am so self-centered but I guess that’s just the way I am.

I was raised as being the perfect child of the family that I was absolutely not, till today after even being a mother of a beautiful girl I am caught in the tangles of a family life and personal life. I am not conditioned that way, is it so bad to want something for yourself. I am not anti-family, if that is what I am sounding like, I know and believe family is the most important thing, before even money. But I cant make everyone happy, because in the process of doing so I am loosing myself. Even today I am obliged to listen to my parents and work according to their wishes because I don’t want to annoy them, after all they have raised me, I am what I am today because of them. But there is this bleak line between growing up and still being a child where you can find me.

I grew very ambitiously and was in the habit of looking at people higher than where I was, I aspired to have a life like theirs, whereas my family suggested to look at those below us and appreciate what I have. I could not do that, I appreciate what I have, but what could be wrong to want something better and more.

At times its hard to figure out what I want, but one thing I am pretty sure of, that I am not a very big fan of the shoes I am currently in, I want more out of life, much much more. Perhaps, someday I will sit down and wonder and want the simple pleasures of life and regret my outlandish demands. But right now I am happy and adamant for what I want and for some absurd reason all this seems right. When the day comes, if and when I regret it, I will take it in my stride but right now, Just let me be the stubborn little pain in the ass I am….

Count your Blessings : Good to Hear, Hard to Follow

“Oh we are going to Basel next month”, I hear one of my relatives tell me, and with a smile on my face I mutter, “That’s great”. But my mind is speaking something else, “What did she just say, omg, bang me against the wall somebody please”. And I calm myself prepare another cup of tea for this suddenly turned annoying relative as she blabbers something about her preparation for the trip, places she would visit, blah blah blah is all I hear.

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So this is me, I get so affected and influenced with what people are doing that the irritability alarm in my system is switched on, in times like these trust me, maintaining a feet distance from me is most advisable. Acceptance comes really hard to me; I mean just that if I see someone living the life I wanted to live it shatters me to bits for atleast two days. And invariably I regret after two days for wasting my time, fretting over something so inconsequential and not living and enjoying the moment that is now. Huh !!

It is not that I don’t have a life, I have a wonderful one, a comfortable one, not the luxurious one, not now, but someday yes surely even luxury would fall on my platter. But when somebody else gets that perfect job, perfect house, perfect lifestyle, like perfect everything, I am torn. So you understand I am not that “Seeing everyone happy makes me happy types”. Somebody does something extraordinary I am automatically turned to “Competitive mode”. I work by the simple funda “Why him not me”. And I slog and slog and slog till I have achieved it, and at that very moment after a two minute triumph, I feel deflated, pondering “Was it worth it”. I don’t think through completely. And my husband, where do I even start, he is the most laid back person, my total opposite; he for one would never understand my competitive and obsessive streak.
I want to appreciate things, as much as I have, right now and not fret about more, want to be like the serene ascetic monk who gives away all, appreciate life the way it is, make today count. I don’t want to look at other people’s life and go “Awwwww” but be happy in my simple life. But trust me it is not me. Take out the competitive streak out of me and I am a dull, boring, vapid, insipid creation of god. I cannot live like that and am I wrong?

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So I want to believe that this is not an illness just a stupid flu bug that comes and goes, but trust me when it does come, it creeps through my body and keeps pinching me every second. I have tried a lot to mellow this absolutely useless, merciless, covetous, not malicious, but irritating and at times nauseating trait of mine. I am not completely proud of it but yes it gives my character, the fuel to go on and never stop, it keeps in the game always. I want to believe it is natural, that many feel this way, that I am not a B***H here all together. So please if anyone feels this way share it with me so I can feel less guilty ;). (Though secretly I am proud of it).

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Redirecting My Life For Good

“You Cannot Redirect the Wind but You Sure can Readjust your Sail”

I came across this beautiful line somewhere and it just stuck a chord, so simply put but they mean so much, invokes so much hope, optimism, it has a good zing to it. And so I pondered, where do these lines stand in my life, and I concluded that a better part of my life can be sorted if only I accept these lines as part of my Living Mantra.
I am stubborn by nature and also a firm believer of my thought process, I start living a life in my thoughts, thoughts which include the way I picture my life and this movie keeps playing and replaying in my mind until I have achieved what I was thinking. And somehow this also works for me, it is like a bolly movie dialogue (Did I forget to tell you that I am a big Movie Buff), “When you dream of something and want it with all your heart, the whole universe starts preparing to bring that SOMETHING to you”. But there are times when BOOM my dreams break, when there are just too many dreams entangled in one (Like Inception, dream in a dream in a dream 😉 ), And these are the times when I feel rueful, things just don’t seem to be working according to my plan. I know this is the truth of life, “Man proposes, GOD disposes”, But it is hard for me to accept it, The Scorpion trait in me Arggghhh.
The simple thing is I don’t accept change, I just do not. There is never a PLAN B for me. It is always plan A and has to be A. And why can’t it be A, I am doing everything and everything right to achieve it. I do not deter, am not scared, don’t feel intimidated by my goals; don’t think they are unreachable, then WHY???? Earlier a lot of my time was spent fretting on the things that were not happening in my life, and in this process I failed to relish and acknowledge the good things that were happening. Expecting came easier to me than accepting. There were strings of gloomy days at times, full of pessimism, irritability, dilemma, hopelessness, fear. And trust me these were not good days. I wanted to work against time, against nature, against God too, at times. But nothing changed still, nothing worked. So I forgot about my dreams, which seemed to be the most plausible thing to do. Acceptance became better than Expectance, and do you think life became easier, well NO. There were still times that hopelessness emerged again, but yes they became less. I realized that I just cannot turn a blind eye on my expectations, I am no saint, deep down they still existed, like a tornado pulling me towards them. So there was no hiding from them, I had to face them and DO them to be at peace (Remember I told you I am a stubborn Scorpio).
So came a phase of “READJUSTMENTS”, and I kept thinking why did not I think of it before. My dreams as I wanted them were probably not happening due to many reasons, financial, emotional, spiritual but what if I curtailed them a bit, you know just deflect from the path a bit, just try to rewire the dead wires of my mind for once. And it worked, it worked wonders. Life was not as tough like before. I realized that they were many things in life that I did not have any control on, because simply put I was not meant to control everything. Up above me was a supreme force that decided everything, and I was questioning him, I stopped doing that, I started to make changes in my plan according to the suitability of all. Winds were still blowing and I knew I could not stop them, but yes I started adjusting my sails accordingly, so my boat did not sink, I gave the roars to time, and accepted what came in after my sails were readjusted. And digressing a bit here, I would also like to add here that I also took it on myself to fulfill my dreams, after all these are my dreams I don’t expect others to understand them the way I do, put in the efforts to achieve them like I do, I need to do it. I need to give in my best shot not depending on anyone for it. As Nike says “Just Do IT”.
So life after this simple change has been good, it’s easier, less fearful, more comfortable, and more hopeful. You see more of good and less of bad in life now. I know I cannot live happy in simple things, I want more of life, have always wanted more and probably will always want more. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I have learnt that rather than taking a leap to my goal, small baby steps can work wonders. At least I have not stopped trying; I am getting to where I want to go. And I am sure I will reach there someday, not on a speeding jet but probably on bullock cart but I will be there. It brings a smile on my face every day just to realize that I am working hard to get there. So life has been good so far, not entirely fair, but GOOD. And I intend it to keep it that way.
(O.k. Everyone, there is a festival called HOLI, in India, The festival of colors, it starts today and I am leaving for a colorful bash in another half hour, Hope I can get some nice clicks to share. Hence a HAPPY HOLI to all  )

Self Appreciation is the Best Medicine

I have been the center of a crowd for as long as I can remember, at school, college, work, among my cousins everywhere, I have always had people around me. I could never make out why, because I am pretty (I don’t think so, I mean yes I like to think I look good but I don’t look like some fairytale princess), probably because I am funny (that could be one of the reasons, though most of time I find it hard to comprehend what was funny in what I said), probably because I am just ME, yes this could be it. How do I say it, I have always been a fan of myself, I love the way I am. And there is nothing wrong in liking yourself, for all I know it is great to celebrate who you are and the way you are, it renders such peace of mind. It is so OK to acknowledge compliments, when someone says to me “You look great”, inadvertently my answer is “Isn’t it, I know”, it probable offends some as it comes out too blunt but it suits me fine. There is nothing wrong in feeling that I am the BEST. Of course I always keep room for improvement, I don’t exactly brag about myself always but I appreciate myself. Reinforcing good things about yourself and not the crappy ones surely makes you happy and you start trusting the good side of yours rather than the ugly one.

So I thought it would be a good exercise to jot down things I like or more appropriately LOVE about myself. You see it can act as confidence booster on days when I feel low!! So let me start my ride to a journey which is so enthralling that it will reinforce my being PERFECT 😉

1)  I am Brutally Honest : Oh yes, I am , call me judgemental, dogmatic, but that’s the way I am. And trust me most of the time I am right. I cannot simply feign someone I am not, I hate small talk, false praises. That’s just not me. I am a scorpion and if I don’t like you, you will have it written all over my face. So I probably have a lot of people around who hate my guts, but to each its own. Seriously I give a DAMN !!

 

2) I am an adventurist at heart : OMG this one, I totally adore myself for, things have changed a bit now ever since I became a mommy J but I was always that girl who you could ask to just get up and leave for a new destination and I would have just left. I love travelling, exploring, observing, and everything in between. I learn from these experiences of mine.

 

3) I Love my Family : I can’t live without them, no matter how much I crib and want alone time but the truth is they are my life and they are all I have. They let me be, remain patient with all my tantrums and absurdities and that’s what makes them special. The thing is it is not easy staying around me, Trust me, I can be the most snarky lil B***H if I have to be, so it is not easy around me. Probably my family deserves a gallantry award for putting up with me.

 

4)  I am Hopelessly Romantic : Well my husband will sure vouch for me on this one, because it irritates him the most, solely because he is the biggest moron in the field of love (But not love making 😉 ). I am all for the mushy gushy things love comes with. Gift me flowers,  chocolates or anything, just sweep me off my feet, surprise me, pamper me.  I am the one who celebrates all from rose day to valentine’s day. So I am as romantic as one can be.

 

5) I am ALWAYS ready to Learn : I live by the theory “You are never too old to learn”, this I learnt from my father. I am passionate about new things, learning them, I simply cannot be outdated. I have to keep learning and improving or something inside me will die. Like for example, I am not very techno savvy, I know my phone and laptop as much I want to use it, but if u ask me about syntax and programs I will be like “DUH, dude what are you talking”. But I am making efforts to learn.

 

6) I can make you Laugh : They are many around me who will vouch for this one. I always tend to bring a smile across people around me. And trust me it is so unintentional. I don’t know if it is what I say or how I say it, but people have a good time around me. I am always surrounded by them. I am absent from office for one day and I have messages and calls pouring in inquiring my whereabouts.

 

7)I am very very ambitious: Oh yes I am! I just want to do so much with my life, achieve so much. It is like I yearn for wings to fly, I am unstoppable. At the moment I have not encountered the perfect opportunity, but I am very sure soon I will. Nothing deters my drive to achieve, no failures, no pessimism around, absolutely nothing.

 

8) I Trust in the Almighty : Ever since I was young I can remember believing in a power that guides and protects me. It did not have to be an idol, but there was somebody which over time was replaced by God. I have full faith in him, nothing can go wrong as long as he is around. I might not be all truthful to people around me, but I am all truthful to my Lord and that’s all that matters.

 

9) I cannot Endure Injustice : I just cannot, it is so not me. Injustice in any form, to women children, old age, mental, physical anything I am not ready to take. I could be directed to me or anyone around me, if it is happening around me I have to voice it. I cannot bear it at any cost. I have to take a stand to the best of my ability and capability.

 

10)              I love being a MOTHER : As much as I may crib over, it is the best feeling ever. I have decided against having a second one as of now because I cannot simply do nappy changing, feeding, running around, be sleep deprived, give away my passions and career again for sometime at least, but still having my little one around makes me so complete. All her little nuances, something  new each day brings a smile on my face. Undoubtedly the best feeling ever.

 

So I big round of applause for me!! (Thank you, Thank you I whole heartedly accept your congratulations for me being the person I am 😉 ).Trust me if I ponder over I might and I am very sure I would find 10 more good things about myself. You see its not self-obsession but self- appreciation. This is due to me, if the world is not giving it to me I will have it on my own ;).  

 

 

 

 

 

I Turn 28 And I Ponder

The morning of my twenty eight birthday when I woke up next to a lovely man (My husband) and an adorable little baby sleeping in the cot in the room, I stared at the ceiling more than usual, I had turned 28 today, where was LIFE heading from here !!

I had achieved much in life almost everything I wanted to, married the love of my life, had a blast in the five years of my marriage before finally deciding on bringing a baby to this world, had a lovely little girl by the grace of god, a decent job, steady money, air in my lungs and food in my kitchen. But something was amiss still. So here I am writing down things I should have done if I could have done also many that I did not do because I was plain LAZY. Here in the list most of the things are those which still can be amended, let us see how many I can still work on.

–          Travelled More : Well this one tops my list for the simple reason that I wanted to go bagpacking, hiking, go solely to places, eat in the local cafe, interact with the locals, take pictures, make a scrapbook of my travels and many more things. Is it still workable, Let’s see I have life to sustain here, a little one and a half-year old to look after and certain family responsibilities, does not look very plausible at the moment but maybe SOMEDAY, finger crossed.

 

–          Followed my passion for cooking and writing : Awww this one can make me cry. My father wanted me to go into medicine but I had other plans, I wanted to cook, write and travel but ALAS ! I gave in, he sat down one day to make me realise the practicality of his decision and absurdity of mine and hence I opted for medicine as a career. I don’t exactly regret it but yes I am not content. But this one thankfully is still workable and hence me working on it and therefore this BLOG !!

 

–          Been Selfish : A pretty big part of my life was spent worrying for others and keeping their interests first than mine, but with time and thankfully to my hostel life I have learnt that being a little more than little selfish is good and healthy for me. At times I need to make decisions keeping myself as a priority, its good being helpful and friendly but a being all goody in this world does not solve all purposes. Still working on this one, still at times I get a bit sentimental and keep others needs first than mine, It’s a good world after all.

                                                                                                                                   

–          It takes only seconds to be courageous and take a stand : Ahh this one, this I am still working in. At times I take a lot of time making decisions wherein what needs to be done is take a single step ahead and I know all would turn out well but that one step seems like someone has put a rock on my foot. And most of the time things turn out just perfect after taking that one step but YES I take a lot of time taking it. Achieved only 10 percent success, still working on it.

 

–          Forgiveness and acceptance must have come easy : There are times in one’s life when we feel wrong has been done to us by our loved ones, we fret over it, feel sad, hurt and unforgiving. There were couple of instances in my life wherein I was hurt with the way I was treated or misled and I could never forgive those who did that to me. I kept that grudge for a long time than was required and I regret it today probably I should have accepted and forgiven many things. Life would have been much easier that way as it is very short to keep cribbing.

 

–          It is OK to change your mind : Hmmmm what can I say, the scorpion that I am to the core, I find it very hard to move away to my commitments many of which are taken in a snapsecond which I thoroughly regret later. But it’s against my demeanour to take my words back and not act on it. Most of the times being affected both mentally and monetarily but I never learn. This actum of mine needs to be dissolved very soon because I mostly blurt out impossible chores in the moment and regret terribly later.

–          Should have invested less in others and more on myself : I was always in the habit of maintaining relationships, it could be friendships, love affairs, or anything but I learnt the hard way that “I” came first and needed more time than investing it on others. I have crossed a lot of distance for this one and only a little needs to be done about it now.

 

–          Change is necessary and scary : We live our lives by rules, we live it in a preconceived pattern. Change always terrifies us but it’s mostly for the good. It takes time to accustom ourselves to the change but once we do Life is Good thereafter. This lesson was learnt early by me and I have achieved too much success but still no one is perfect and hence I am still working on this one.

–          Loosing friends is a part and parcel of living but keeping in touch is important: This one is sad, I wish I had not experienced it but no matter how much I abhor it I have experienced it nonetheless. We grow from going to school, college, work, get married, life gets busy and we lose a bit of ourselves and many friends in the process. But its great to catch up with them once in a while, go out for a coffee, a brunch, or take time out for chatting on social networking sites, But DO IT it will feel good. Sadly though I haven’t been able to accomplish this ever since I had a baby but I intend to. It’s totally workable !!

–          Learn more Languages : I was always very fond of doing this one. I loved it when people told me they could speak French, Japanese, German or any other but I could never do it. Hopefully I can do it now whenever I can manage this one on my schedule. Workable.

–          Backup my phone and computer : I am sooooo LAZY for this one, though I have improved a lot but still at times I get lazy and don’t do it and obviously regret it later. Very Very Workable

–          A lot can be done over weekends : Weekends always meant more sleep for me, but things have changed now. I realise now that a lot of pending works can be finished by being active on weekends and definitely it’s a perfect age to do it. I am vehemently working on this one and one day I would be able to do a lot of over weekends that I will be proud of.

–          Save Astutely: Obviously I mean money and trust me it needs to be saved for the bitter times because they just might be round the corner . So trust your instincts to save lucidly. I don’t say save all and don’t have fun but SAVE. I have started doing it but a little late. But as they say better late than never.

–          Never rush into decisions, DO your Research:  I love GOOGLE and the WEB for all the help they render, I type a word and they give me tonnes of options. It can be anything from planning the wedding, finding a holiday, a restaurant, planning a kid, giving birth, cooking, there are just so many options before you can decide and it helps so much to take a more informed decision and you are very sure you have made the right one. A way ahead in this one I never do anything major without GOOGLING it.

–          Take care of yourself : Well well well, this one is more tough than I thought it could be. After a tough day at work , coming back home and take of a child, I hardly get time to take care of myself. A massage, yoga, pedicure, manicure, exercise or grooming myself anything could soothe me but I am always tired to it. I really want to take time out for this one as I am sure once I have achieved this one a lot else in life would be easy.

–          Addiction to Technology : In this fast pacing world where technology decreases the distance it also increases stress. I am always online, always hooked to find out what the world is doing, what my friends are up to, where they are going, where I can find a cheap deal. So I am hooked 24*7, well not technically but yes most of the time. And its bad I can use that time much more wisely but I am addicted.. My dopamine I guess goes over the roof once I log in. This needs to change and surely it will. Totally WORKABLE !!

–          Be More Organised : This has taken me ages to do but now I am getting the hang of it and realised the significance of it. Having a baby changes a lot of things, and it definitely makes you more organised. I realised that a lot of time can be saved if we are organised. I know it can sound like I am preaching but it works wonders, Tried and Tested.

–          Gossip won’t have bothered me : I have crossed many bridges and travelled a lot of distance in this one. At first I used to be very bothered by gossips but then I read that “if they are gossiping about you, YOU MUST BE WORTH A LOT”. And hence people wasting their time in me. I learnt this lesson and imbibed it as a Mantra of my Life. And it works wonders, you are at of mind with yourself.

–          Life is as complicated as we make it : Life was much more simpler when we had lesser aspirations, lesser demands, lesser hopes and of course much less money.  As we grew our demands increased, availability and consumerism held us captive in their webs. It’s not easy to stay away but the more we make life the more easier it is. I know its hard to follow this one and for one I have not even started following this one but I want to. Inshallah VERY SOON !!

–          NO Replay whatsoever : Life does not come with a REPLAY button, it’s really now or never so its better to do it now. Life does not give you a second chance and god only opens the door of success for a little time so catch hold of it ASAP. WORKABLE WORKABLE !!

–          Never rush, Slow and steady wins the race : This one is my favourite because I indulge in it a lot and by a lot I mean a LOTTTT. I am very impulsive in my thinking and my actions, if I get excited I am all over the place, I am like a robot multitasking to get faster result and in the process end up breaking something or loosing something. I lose control over myself jus rush towards ending it. And yes I want to change it. I want to think and act, I am trying and have improved a lot but a lot still needs to be done.

–          Jot it DOWN PLEASE : Ok Yes GUILTY as proved, I am in the habit of thinking that I am a superwoman and don’t forget and can easily reminisce anything I have a look at. But sadly this is not the case. I see something, read something, look at something, like it but then I think “oh I will remember this for sure”, but as time would have it, I forget it for sure and regret it terribly later. I have post-its, diaries, journals and everything but nah I don’t jot it down. Need to get in the habit to lose on more things.

–          Building my VOCAB : Intended to do it for long and even start working on it but most of the time I fail to maintain. Probably I need to lookout for a more refine way to make it a habit but trust me still searching a cure for this one. Clueless about this one but OMG it’s so workable.

–          Complete what I read : I have this annoying habits of reading articles and at times lose interest midway. It is so disappointing to not be able to complete because this way I never get the essence of it. I trying hard on this one and one day for sure.

Well this roughly summarises the part of my life I want to change or work one, I am sure there may be many to add to this list but even if I can work on this list LIFE will be GOOD . And lastly to sum it all as Robert Frost would put it :

“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleepAnd miles to go before I sleep.”