Mothers, The Ultimate Human Beings

As the internet clogs with mother’s day post, I ponder.

Mothers, I mean these are like the most outrageously cutest untiring weird beings on the planet right!

I mean to sacrifice your own needs and desires for someone who trust me nags you all the time. Quite something isn’t it.

My mom was a Stay at home, ahh the luxury of it all, to have hot food ready when we came back from school, juices mix ready at our disposal, her availability for our school projects, everything, her staying at home always seemed a blessing until, yes until we turned teenagers. We grew up, our dependencies on her decreased exponentially. We could prepare instant lunches and dinners if we wanted to, could do homework on our own, had tutorials to help us. We wanted to spend time on the phone calls, have friends over, had secrets that we did not want her to know and hence wanted her to go out. It was a weird equation back then, a teenage girl and her mother, with our views not meeting on any possible topic, arguments almost every day, where friends became more important than her. The gap increased all through teenage years. Those were the times when I thought she knew nothing, I knew all. Lest to say I hated her guts, her claim that she knew better.

And time passed, I got busy with my studies and subsequently work. She was still there, trying to fit in the scene, the sleepless nights before exam she was there to bring me hot chocolate, or my alarm clock to wake me up. I loved her back then but probably did not realize it enough.

It was only when I moved to hostel did I realize what she meant, when there was no one to ask me if I had eaten, when no one was there to take care when I was sick, when everything I did was on my own, did I realize what she had be doing all these years. She called me every day to know if I was all right it was those five years that brought me close again to her.

And then I got married, initially the marital bliss kept me busy but once the dust of the bliss settled in and reality stuck, I realized what she meant to me. She had cried the most at my marriage, I had too but I can never forget the look on her face as I left. She was heartbroken, I could see that, the mere thought of that scene still sends me shivers.

After my marriage my mother and I have gone crazily close like never before, still we do have our arguments but there are much mature. My mother had me when she was pretty young and now she is my new best friend, my new confidante. Over the years of my marriage I did realize that she is the best thing that has ever happened. Even today she is the same selfless self that she was for us before which we never appreciated. But now I do. Yes she is the one who knows telepathically that I am not feeling right, that something is wrong, she is funny the way she is, she strives to keep up with the pace still. Whenever we are out I know she is awake, waiting for our call to tell her we have reached safely. She makes sure to cook my favorite dishes whenever I go back home. Going to my mom’s place is a luxury now, I yearn to go back now and spend as much time as possible with her for her.

I have a daughter of my own now, I see her and see my mom, My world revolves around the both of them, it is like I have to be there for both of them now, my mom who is going through midlife crises and my daughter well who needs me for everything atleast for now.

I had taken my mother for granted for many years, A lot of us grew up in an intense love-hate relationship with our moms right, but I realized over years that time flies too quickly for us to realize, So let’s make up for it, as nothing is more precious than having that shoulder to cry, that ear to listen to everything, those arms for the wonderful hugs and the mind and heart that thinks only for you..

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there, each and everyone is doing a great job.

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Men, Please Pitch In!!

I  was woken up with the most dreadful call any Indian woman can wake up to, my help called in to inform that she won’t be coming to work today. This is like the biggest night or rather biggest Day mare of any woman who is dependent on house help. As I wiped out tears from my eyes (yeah I am Amplifying!!, but nevertheless I was on the verge of crying, imaging the pile of work ahead of me), I got up. The first battle field I needed to conquer was the kitchen.

As I was paving my way through the umpteen tasks ahead of me, this thought just crossed my mind. My husband was snoring away to glory. And it irked me, I could not comprehend why he got to sleep while I was slogging here in the kitchen. And then thoughts kept pouring in, one after the other, perhaps he is tired from work, (Hello I work too in an office), perhaps he does not know how to do the household chores (Aahhha!!, I was born working in the kitchen, is it?), perhaps because he has much better things to do in life (Well this one I can scream loud about, I have much better things to do in life than he does), Ahhh now I realize it is not any of the reasons mentioned above, it is because he has a Chromosome ‘Y’ in him, that too in India. In simple words he is a MAN born in INDIA.

You must realize that this very thought had piqued my annoyance to uncontrollable levels, this could not be happening to me. You bring out this topic in public and trust you me, every elderly across India has the same opinion, ‘How can he do it, it’s a woman’s job’, Arghhhh. Like seriously, I was raised with the same amount of love and affection (probably even more). This is how we grow up in India, the other day a known had come over for a visit, she was looking for a suitable match for her daughter, she is a qualified doctor, and now her mother wants her to participate in household chores as this is what would make her an eligible bride. I could not help but gape at her in astonishment, why take so much pain to educate her then. Is it not unfair for the girl, she has to make a career for herself and learn to the household chores too. And the boy spends his life in merriment.

I mean I understand that there may be many things which men can do that we don’t (let me think, well na my brain has stopped functioning to enumerate anything, unless it is something like getting off your shirt in public, or perhaps pee in public) but a little help hurt no one, right! It’s easy coming back from work and couching on the sofa on the laptop or phone, but come back from work and fret about preparing dinner or tomorrow’s lunch, or getting the laundry done, or getting the clothes back into the cupboard, grocery shopping, blah blah blah blah….

It is so much the upbringing that we give our sons that is to blame for all this, they are always kept away from helping in the household chores. SO much so for being born a male in INDIA!!

My mother in law was really anti of my husband cleaning my daughter’s poop, I mean why not, she is his daughter too. I objected and made him do it.. There is no way he is getting away from it. When we say equality it should be at all levels right! I have fought my way to change my husband’s habits to make him participate, and I know what my MIL thinks then, ‘ Arre, you making my boy into a girl’. But lest do I care, he needs to and has to.

I don’t want to sound like those ultra feminist thingy (which I am sure I do sound like) but all I do care about is that men should learn how to do or at least help in household chores, mothers should be able inculcate this in their sons. I have a daughter and trust you me when she is getting married this would be one of the criteria for the groom to qualify! Someone would have to turn the tables, and I would be very happy to do so. I understand that it is unfair to paint everyone with the same brush but majority fall into the no home chores bucket!

There could be two reasons perhaps either they don’t see what needs to be done, they live in a different reality, mess does not bother them, they have not seen their forefathers doing any of this hence they cant imagine themselves doing it OR they don’t want to waste their time on what they think are petty issues. For example my husband thinks that if I give him a task, inadvertently I will complain about him not doing it properly then why should he waste time doing it in the first place (I really cant blame him for that, I can be very picky at times).

Well amid all this bragging and fretting I finished all the work and headed for office my husband was still snoring away to glory!!

Boys do have all the FUN!!

The Much Hulla-Ballo over the US Visa!!!

Yesterday I logged on to a social site and saw a friend of mine posing with her husband with a certificate in her hands, people were congratulating her, blessing her, feeling proud of her and I thought probably she has cleared some very tough exam and hence people are congratulating her. But to my surprise this was not it. She had achieved (if I may use the word achieved here) an American citizenship. So everybody was excited. It just made me think how important it is for people and what a big achievement it is presumed to be. Only lately have I applied for an American visa, my better half’s company decided one fine day, that he needs to visit their US branch for official purposes and he needs to apply for American visa. For some insane reasons they wanted even me to apply for American visa with him. I retaliated and objected, trying to find a reason for my visa application but nothing I did or said deterred the company’s plan to make me apply. So we did and the cumbersome applying process started. Though I was only supposed to give in my papers and details, rest was to be taken care of by the company, but providing information and umpteen calls to and fro annoyed me. I am a very complacent person, I like a very settled and organized life, I am very comfortable in my own skin, I like change but I need that consistency in life. And this visa application sent my life hay-wire and I was not liking it. I really did not understand what the whole fuss was about. Every other person I told about my application absurdly felt sympathetic to me. ‘OMG, you are applying for an American visa, all the best, you never know, they just might disapprove yours, they don’t give reasons too.’ it simply confused me, how tough could it be. Well all through the process I had people advising me about what to do, what to say and most importantly what not to say. I mean it went way beyond my head, I am a simple girl have a family here, earning decently OK, have no intentions what so ever to settle in the US, ( I love my country more than anything), just want to visit the US for an excursion, come back and continue with my happy to do little life, then why would I be rejected. But trust you me, the days before the interview were a nightmare with my husband explaining me how important it is for him to acquire this visa. I am one girl who does not like many instructions pouring in and this time around I had like a swarm of instructions from all possible ends. We were only short of not going to temples and praying for it trust me. I understand that innumerable people apply for American visas, many intend to stay back illegally and hence the US government needs to make sure that they only give visas to appropriate candidates but I was still frustrated, until D Day arrived, the day of our interview. It was like I was going to sit for the exam of my life. And so we reached and I am not going to bore with the whole process but yes two things that should be told here, one there are hordes of people applying for American visa apparently every day, whether it is for a better life, being paid in dollars, I don’t know but yes people are crazy about going to the US. And secondly it’s not a very big task to get the visa, if your intentions for the visit are clear and you intend to come back they do give you the visa. I got mine very easily just a few questions which I answered truthfully and confidently and the lady at the visa desk gave me the green card. So it was not difficult at all to attain a US visa and I firmly believe it should not be, yes security is one issue which every country faces in today’s time. I might be wrong here at many levels and I don’t want to indulge in the details. These are just my feelings. I feel that one’s own country is one’s own and nothing can replace it. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s emotions here, I like America as it is, it’s a wonderful country, a land of opportunity for many and yes its doing a great job at many humanitarian levels, but I am fine just where I am. ALAS, Thank you for the Visa American Embassy!!