Dear Mumbai, Be Nice to my Brother

Alas, the day has finally come when my bro needs to leave for Mumbai. These past few weeks have been tough and very rough; I can’t really keep a count of the number of times my eyes welled up with tears at the mere thought of his going. I realized one thing, I am very weak emotionally, after all he is leaving to make his career, to earn money and fame. But I fail to look at the bright future ahead and somehow keeping falling in the pit of the past.
I realized that it’s not his going and not being able to see him that often (Come on, Mumbai is a 2 hour flight) which hurts me as much as the fact that I keep thinking of the times that we spent together, that they will never come back. They will never be times when I would be the strict teacher that I was to him, making him learn lessons for school, shouting out from the balcony to call him back to study, never again would he misspell “SIX” as “SEX”, the time that I went out movies with him, any crap movie in the theaters to watch with him at our leisure would be rare, he would not be there when I visit my mum’s house from now to pick me up and my luggage from downstairs, his laptop with the millions of our favorite films will be gone, his persistence to make me watch movies and serials he likes won’t bother me anymore when I go home, no one would empty the casseroles of food my mum makes so quickly that we never have anything left for us, he would not be available at my beck and call whenever I needed a shoulder to cry or someone to share a joke with, the times when we sang songs all night before sleep engulfed us would be a luxury now, making faces and discussing the fact that our mom has always long stories that never end would be few in between our busy schedules, discussions of our father being unreasonable at times, his borrowing money from me, there are just so many things that won’t be happening from now on which tears my heart.
A friend of mine told me that I should look at the bigger picture, that this is life, he has to go and make a life for himself, that it is stupid of me to be so emotional, I realized that she was right. Perhaps he will settle in Mumbai I will visit him, will have a new place to visit, my bro will be independent, we will travel, eat, enjoy, read, life will be more settled by then. But somehow the prospect of the future does not entice me, the past holds me tight. The bottom line is I never wanted to grow up, and I understand this is bad; I am still clinging to the memories of my childhood which is not helping in any way. How I wish I could remain unperturbed among all the changes happening around me, nonchalant to people moving in and out, but this is not me. I get affected and that too very easily. I want to be wired differently, something in my heart is not right.
Any which way he has to go and he will go, so I need to accept it and move on, I need to keep myself more busy now so I can keep my mind of him. I need to be more available to my parents now; they would be lonelier than I am without him. I need to take a grasp of the situation (I know I am making a small change in life sound so BIG, overstating the emotions) and pray for all the good in life for him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
P.S.: On reading the second time I was amused, it felt as if I was talking about an old boyfriend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s