Well well where do I even start on this one. I can go all day long elaborating this topic. Is getting married a bed of roses, is it the most mushy gushy feeling ever, does being married completes you as the world says, is love and trust all needed for a successful married life. I have my doubts on all the above mentioned facts. Argggh and yes I have been married for a good five years now, so you can expect some pretty good feedback from my end. Dissimilarity in a relationship might seem to work on a superficial level but deep down similarities in both personalities play a pivotal role.
I fell in love with my husband and married him pretty young, he had created magical world around me, the world I had never seen, where everything it seemed was just plain PERFECT. And I got woven and stuck in the mystical world of love and marriage. From the beginning he was different from me, his interests, outlook never matched mine, but the physics theory of “Opposites Attract” occupied the better part of my brain. His nonchalant, living on the edge, being spendthrift, non-organised fascinated me.. I loved being around him, our differences attracted me more towards him. We were and still are Ying and Yang, totally opposites, but we are also Hillary and Tenzing for each other. You see dating is one thing and getting married is completely the opposite. Meeting for a day or spending a night is completely different from spending our entire lives with someone. Gosh and I did not realise this !! We read a lot that successful marriages is all about love, building trust, caring, accepting all odds. But all said and done trust me all this does not come easy. I love my husband, he has been my best friend like forever now. I can’t think of a day that I haven’t shared my thoughts with him; you see I have to or else it keeps lingering inside me. He makes me laugh like no one else ever can, he bullies me, pampers me and does everything right, he loves my parents, is more patient than I am, is a good father to our daughter, keeps my secrets, the list is too long, but still there is something about him that still irks me. I can’t really explain what, it is either him or the institution of marriage itself that gets on my nerves I am not sure.
All I know is that marriage is not a cake walk, accepting someone with all their flaws, might be spiritual but it does not come easy. See the thing is as the cliché goes “Opposites attract each other” but it is such a farfetched reality. Opposites attract but after a course of time the traits of being opposites is what starts irking. Love does not dwindle in a marriage it has not, atleast in mine but other things take priority, work, family, money, and then it becomes difficult to find a balance. I miss the old carefree times of our dating, where every date was special, but slowly life after marriage becomes monotonous, especially if you don’t share the same interest like in mine, I love travelling on road, living in cheap places, eating roadside food, bag packing and leaving for just anywhere but my husband’s idea of a holiday are five star destinations, I love reading, he hates it, I love movies, he is not a big fan, then how do we find a balance?????
I am still finding the answer to this, finding a middle ground. Come to think of it, at times its good too, he is so busy that I get time to do my things my way. But nevertheless I miss him. I want him to be a part of my adventure as much as I want to be a part of his (He does not have many adventures though). He may sound very boring here but he is not, he is a total freak just that his idea of fun is different from mine. His idea of life is different from mine, his aspirations are different from mine. In being different from one other we do fill the void where we are incomplete but fail to complete ourselves as well. Having someone with the same disposition as ours is important as it affirms the consistency of our desires, thoughts, and attitude.
Perhaps sacrifice is one of the options to attain equilibrium in a marriage but I would like to vehemently believe that this is a temporary solution as is acceptance. It is also possible that over time we start appreciating and accepting our dissimilar interests. Nothing is permanent, so is the human mind, hence perhaps someday we might just end up enjoying things we both like. I have a near to perfect husband, probably it is only me who wants more out of my life.
Marriage in itself is a complicated and precarious balance of similarities and nuanced differences, but it is like baking a perfect cake, a lot of stirring is required to incorporate air and bake a perfect cake and finally enjoy.
Note: Written in a foul mood !!