If the Heart is Willing it Will Find a Thousand Ways

Hey everyone,

This one is going to be an inspiring, motivating, stimulating, encouraging, animating, POST (I have managed to use all possible synonyms). I am headed for an interview in the next four hours, it is not a dream job, but it is something that will make my life easier and happier, so Fingers Crossed. And Yes, I am not wasting time writing this blog, there is no more preparation I can do, I have read, practiced even and now I am getting anxious. So I am writing this post to just pass my time.

So this post is dedicated to “NO Lame Excuses”… More than often we end up making excuses for various tasks, but what does it imply. Don’t you think if the task is that important we would DO it and make no excuses? So here is my list of things to do if you really want to achieve something dear to your heart:


– “I don’t have time”, well this is the most common excuse we end up making when we don’t do things. Over time I have realized that if something is really important to us we will take out time for it, no matter what. Suddenly days will not consist of not 24 but 30 hours. I always wanted to start a blog and write. But I never did, I always blamed it on my busy schedules, office work, chores at home, not enough sleep, baby, everything and anything I could come up with. But once when I decided four months ago that I needed to do this, because I am so incomplete without it, that this could be my first step towards my dream, I minted out time. Suddenly office was not that hectic, chores finished faster than I expected, my baby got busy with her own things, and I started this blog. Now I am not that sleepy through the day, perhaps I suffer from insomnia because I want to think and write all day.

– O.K. next up, once we have decided to do it, the next pivotal question comes in, where to start, “I have not done this ever”, “People are such PRO at this, where will I stand”, well start from just anywhere, anywhere at all. It does not matter you don’t know a thing about what you are going to do, Take a small step for it, Rome was not built in a day, but it was started someday, so start it. There will be hurdles, speed breakers, absolutely distressing moments when you would think this is going nowhere but since you started it, trust me you will finish it. Taking the first step is hardest and is very crucial, don’t wait for perfect timings, and start now. Don’t wait up for your skills to be perfect for the task, everyone is an amateur once. And yes, take a step not a leap!

– “O.K. I am stuck, what next”, whenever you are in a situation like this ASK for help. It is the best thing to do trust me. There might be many who have seen the same dreams as you and now are experts, so don’t feel shy asking them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I would never ask people, I always thought they would think I am dumb, not knowing sometimes the basics even. But I lost a lot of good opportunities in this process, I regret it. ASK, it helps, and some people, often many are good enough to explain you things without belittling you. Asking is healthy; there is nothing wrong in not knowing.


– Now you have started with you little thing, stuck and asked for suggestions, but still you are getting stuck, this can very demoralizing. Herein change your approach, don’t keep doing the same thing, start doing things the way you know best, try doing what you can, as much as you can. Again don’t fret for results, keep doing it, it will pay off soon.

– Don’t go CRAZY, well this one is important, now you have taken the first step towards your dream, made good progress, but you are doing nothing else but this new task you have got your hands on. You are missing out on life just because you have gone crazy over one thing. Don’t DO That, All work and no Play makes Jack, Matt, Andrew, Phill, anyone a dull boy. So take time out for your other pursuits too, it will keep you fresh, and invigorated. Take a break in between it will help!

– Lastly and this one is my favorite, if while doing what you want to do, you feel distressed, unhappy, upset troubled, discouraged, but once in a while it does cross your mind that you can do it, Trust me you will do it. If you believe in what you are trying to achieve, it will happen sooner or later, It Will. Efforts never go waste is what I believe in, especially when you believe in what you are doing. So go for it! Life will be good.


Hmm I finished this post earlier than I anticipated, still 3 hours to go, Anyhow, if you end up reading this one, please wish me luck and pray for me .

Concoction to a Perfect Marriage : Does It Exist

Guy Sees girl, girl sees guy, their eyes meet, heart skips a beat, stomach gives a churn, a wave of electricity rushes through the body, and BOOM LOVE Happens!! Like really, love at first sight, Arrrrghh, Nah that’s just dream, I don’t believe in love at first sight.

Dream within a Dream:
Dating begins, they meet, talk, stare, touch, feel, hug, kiss, get intimate, and love blossoms, they remain inseparable, can’t do without talking each day, have to meet at least once a week, can’t think of life without one another, and blah blah blah.

Dream Shattered:
They MARRY!! Plain and Simple.


And just like that the dream shatters. Life changes, turmoil’s begin, love diminishes, diapers come in, eyes meet only in anger, stomach churns at the thought of POOP, feel like giving electric shock to one another so on and so forth.
And we start finding ways to rekindle our relationship, get back the missing spark, go back in history when fell in love. Hmmmmm…..

So Here I am spreading my GYAN on the perfect marriage concoction, let me think, let me prepare the perfect recipe for you, Oooooopsss, SORRY, I just can’t do that for you, Can I. I don’t know who you are, what you are like, do you like cuddling, or do you like being pampered, are you the controller, or are you all in for PDA. I don’t know if you share your bank accounts, or signed a pre-nup, or are you a stay-at-home mum, or an established professional. I don’t know anything about you.

So I cannot possibly meddle into anybody’s life, judge it and decide the ways to improve because I don’t know a thing about you. What works wonders for me probably might instigate an argument in your relationship. So eat other’s head off, if that works for you, fight over T.V. soaps, opinions on politics, bread, dinner, who cleans the poop of your angel. I will sit back in silence and judge but not utter a word. Because I have stopped meddling in other people’s lives, Yes I have.
But you see I can’t do without spilling a few beans, I just have to, it is me, the BEAN Spiller, so just a few average reasonable suggestions from my end.

Your Husband is not everything, He is not, no one is, no one can be, so focus on yourself, ask more out of yourself in life, and stop expecting too much, he cannot do everything. You want something in life, financially, emotionally, go ahead, the world is open for you, earn it for yourself (But you yearn for something physically, come back to your dear hubby ). Be realistic, for him as well as yourself.


SO that’s my friendly advice to you. You must be thinking O.K. just one, NAH, here’s another and this one is just because I care, I really do 😉

Never make a promise when you are happy (Trust me it is their game plan, to get us all happy dappy and get our nod on things we normally would not give a nod on), and Don’t make a decision when you are angry cause invariably you will regret it later.


O.K. now since I have started on this topic my last piece of input, not advice, just remember that not all things can be solved, but it can be worked upon, always, don’t fret if it does not lead to the conclusion you desired, it might never will, just keep going, it is workable, everything under the sun is. So do not give up. Not on someone your heart skipped a beat for, because skipping a beat is not normal medically, let this unnatural thing persist, because it happened for a reason and the reason is both of you together.


So marriage is like this association between a nut and bolt, sometimes we buy the smaller bolts, sometimes a larger nut, and they don’t always fit perfectly on first try, but we make them fit, change them, replace them but make them work, so if we can do that for a nut and a bolt, we can do it for our marriage too, Isn’t it !!


Fine Line Between Being an Atheist and Theist

God did not come in the world to start a religion; He came to show us a way to live with love for one another

Children are always curious about everything around them, from trees, leaves, toys, bibs, cars, water, air, anything and everything under the sun. And one fine day they POP the question “Who is GOD”?? I want to be prepared for this question before my little munchkin asks me. But I wonder what I will tell her. She is growing up in India, the country of so many faiths and religions. We follow Hinduism at home, but I was schooled in a Catholic school and hence I have my inclination towards Christianity, I visit a “Dargah” in New Delhi once a month (A Dargah is a Sufi Islamic Shrine built over the grave of a revered religious figure, often a Sufi saint or Dervish), I also visit the Gurudwara at times (Place of Worship for Sikhs). So as many would put it in India I am of mixed or confused faith. But I like it this way!!

A few months ago my brother asked me if I would teach my daughter to fold her hands and pray, I said “Why not”, and he said “Wouldn’t it be nice if she chose her own way to pray, probably she would like some other way to pray rather than folding her hands”. And it intrigued me; I could understand what he was implying. There was no way I was going to force any faith on my daughter; she could choose what she liked. This is how I have been and I intend to raise my daughter that way too.

So exactly what God do I believe in? Hinduism has 320 million gods, that’s a massive number, and each god comes with his own sets of rules. Well let me put it this way, the rules god made were simple, it is the people who confused and complicated them. From the very beginning I shared a very a personal relationship with god, I used to talk to him in solitude, at nights, share my problems, ask for solutions, share my days, make confessions of my guilt. And he listened patiently, he would even talk to me, direct me to the right path, but he never forced me. This was and still is my relationship with God.


I don’t want the society to decide the way I pray, or indulge in my Faith. There is so much suffering in the world, and time and again many question the mere existence of God among all this. Why the rich gets richer and poor gets poorer, why are there floods, earthquakes, tornado, accidents, rapes, robbery, murders?? Doesn’t god exist for all, the religious one would say all this happens as God is planning something big, and the atheist would simply say there is no GOD. Life is a package of disappointment, suffering and Doubt. But these are planted by him, he wants us to grow stronger, search for answers, and end the suffering. God has conditioned us to understand the difference between wrong or right. We go on industrializing the world paving way for natural calamities; we lose our conscience paving way for sinful deeds. Then surely we can’t put the blame on GOD.


There is nothing wrong in questioning faith; doubts are a sign of healthy faith. What is wrong is accepting without questioning, I don’t believe that chanting mantras or donating to Hindu priest or giving donations to the already very rich religious institutions brings me any closer to GOD. I am not ready to accept every ritual of my religion. I need to know the significance of them first. Telling me that not bowing in front of every temple I cross, or not praying every morning, or not donating on my birthday, or not reading the religious scriptures, or touching idols of god during my monthly cycle, or not visiting temple regularly blemishes my relationship with god, or will make me rot in hell, angers me. Because I know that god would not mind in the least.

When I was younger and was threatened of the god being angry if I was being naughty, I acted being scared but deep inside I knew that I would explain everything to my God when I talk to him in solitude. I was never a conventional believer in faith, God is my friend, my companion, my partner in crime, he is not an intimidating but a beautiful source of love and compassion, perhaps not above in the sky, but near my heart. He loves me for who I am, wrong or right is for him to decide. There is nothing that is hidden from him. He gives me sorrow and happiness both. But he never leaves me. I always wondered how god managed to take care of such a huge world, it surprised me, and I always imagined him to be present with this massive computer monitoring everything. But soon I realized this was not the case, but nevertheless he takes care of all. He takes care of me; he is always there when I need him.


I share a very intimate relationship with my god, I love him as a father, and he loves me as his child. God wants us to make mistakes and learn from them. No one is born perfect; no one is without a sin. It’s not the way god has made this world. He has given us brains to differentiate between good and evil. If God wanted a perfect world, he would have made one, with no disparities of rich and poor, wrong or right, but he decided not to. God is my conscience, which should at all times be pure.

I still have my conversations with god, those are times of absolute serenity, there are still times when I feel so close to him that it brings tears to my eyes. I love those moments when I feel close to him. But these are not necessarily in a temple or church I can experience them anywhere. So I have learnt to question my faith, for me god exists in me, in every other human around me. Being humane, compassionate, helpful to fellow human beings is being religious to me. There is no where I could be without him; I need him in my happiness and my moments of despair. But he exists in the way I want him to. I am closer to him than I am to anyone else, and I don’t want anyone’s approval to trust him. So I may be atheist to many, but I have my faith which is strong as a rock. I don’t question those who have ways different than mine to believe in the existence of GOD and hence don’t want them to question me, To each, its own. Let it be this way.


And as far as my daughter goes, she will decide for herself what faith and in which way she wants to follow it. 

Redirecting My Life For Good

“You Cannot Redirect the Wind but You Sure can Readjust your Sail”

I came across this beautiful line somewhere and it just stuck a chord, so simply put but they mean so much, invokes so much hope, optimism, it has a good zing to it. And so I pondered, where do these lines stand in my life, and I concluded that a better part of my life can be sorted if only I accept these lines as part of my Living Mantra.
I am stubborn by nature and also a firm believer of my thought process, I start living a life in my thoughts, thoughts which include the way I picture my life and this movie keeps playing and replaying in my mind until I have achieved what I was thinking. And somehow this also works for me, it is like a bolly movie dialogue (Did I forget to tell you that I am a big Movie Buff), “When you dream of something and want it with all your heart, the whole universe starts preparing to bring that SOMETHING to you”. But there are times when BOOM my dreams break, when there are just too many dreams entangled in one (Like Inception, dream in a dream in a dream 😉 ), And these are the times when I feel rueful, things just don’t seem to be working according to my plan. I know this is the truth of life, “Man proposes, GOD disposes”, But it is hard for me to accept it, The Scorpion trait in me Arggghhh.
The simple thing is I don’t accept change, I just do not. There is never a PLAN B for me. It is always plan A and has to be A. And why can’t it be A, I am doing everything and everything right to achieve it. I do not deter, am not scared, don’t feel intimidated by my goals; don’t think they are unreachable, then WHY???? Earlier a lot of my time was spent fretting on the things that were not happening in my life, and in this process I failed to relish and acknowledge the good things that were happening. Expecting came easier to me than accepting. There were strings of gloomy days at times, full of pessimism, irritability, dilemma, hopelessness, fear. And trust me these were not good days. I wanted to work against time, against nature, against God too, at times. But nothing changed still, nothing worked. So I forgot about my dreams, which seemed to be the most plausible thing to do. Acceptance became better than Expectance, and do you think life became easier, well NO. There were still times that hopelessness emerged again, but yes they became less. I realized that I just cannot turn a blind eye on my expectations, I am no saint, deep down they still existed, like a tornado pulling me towards them. So there was no hiding from them, I had to face them and DO them to be at peace (Remember I told you I am a stubborn Scorpio).
So came a phase of “READJUSTMENTS”, and I kept thinking why did not I think of it before. My dreams as I wanted them were probably not happening due to many reasons, financial, emotional, spiritual but what if I curtailed them a bit, you know just deflect from the path a bit, just try to rewire the dead wires of my mind for once. And it worked, it worked wonders. Life was not as tough like before. I realized that they were many things in life that I did not have any control on, because simply put I was not meant to control everything. Up above me was a supreme force that decided everything, and I was questioning him, I stopped doing that, I started to make changes in my plan according to the suitability of all. Winds were still blowing and I knew I could not stop them, but yes I started adjusting my sails accordingly, so my boat did not sink, I gave the roars to time, and accepted what came in after my sails were readjusted. And digressing a bit here, I would also like to add here that I also took it on myself to fulfill my dreams, after all these are my dreams I don’t expect others to understand them the way I do, put in the efforts to achieve them like I do, I need to do it. I need to give in my best shot not depending on anyone for it. As Nike says “Just Do IT”.
So life after this simple change has been good, it’s easier, less fearful, more comfortable, and more hopeful. You see more of good and less of bad in life now. I know I cannot live happy in simple things, I want more of life, have always wanted more and probably will always want more. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I have learnt that rather than taking a leap to my goal, small baby steps can work wonders. At least I have not stopped trying; I am getting to where I want to go. And I am sure I will reach there someday, not on a speeding jet but probably on bullock cart but I will be there. It brings a smile on my face every day just to realize that I am working hard to get there. So life has been good so far, not entirely fair, but GOOD. And I intend it to keep it that way.
(O.k. Everyone, there is a festival called HOLI, in India, The festival of colors, it starts today and I am leaving for a colorful bash in another half hour, Hope I can get some nice clicks to share. Hence a HAPPY HOLI to all  )

One Life to Live and Love :)

I took a day off today to spend some time at home, I did all the things I loved doing (As much as I could with a toddler fiddling along), read a long pending book (Tried finishing it but could not Alas!), played with my little munchkin, tried teaching her new things (And she learns fast, touch wood), and ended up watching the idiot box when my honeybun took a nap and I loved it. I stumbled upon “P.S. I Love YOU”, must I say here that I am not a very big fan of the movie or the book. Somehow it never appealed to me much, I am all for romantic flicks but this one never touched a chord. And my friends were huge fans!! But today when I watched it, I was hooked to it like anything. Probably it was because I am terribly upset with my husband lately (over issues that feel extremely insane now), like Holly is with Gerry in the beginning, or perhaps because it made me realise that life is so precarious, we don’t know what is in our stock tomorrow.

Hmmm it cropped a lot of questions in my mind like, why are we so entangled in our everyday chores that we fail to take time out for our love, why does our ego come our way, why do we decide not to say sorry or bend forward or backward, why do we become so stubborn, why don’t we realise that probably love is all that matters, to stay happily. It brings such peace of mind, such completeness but still we try to go against it because things are not turning our way. Money, a perfect house, luxury, a perfect life, that becomes priority, and in the process of achieving all this we forget that it was love that brought us together, love that kept us together till now and not these materialistic comforts of life. But it is easier said than done, as much I decide to bury these whimsical thoughts in my head and let love only suffice, I fail. It does not come easy. But it also scares me to my soul to think at times the amount of time or even days I spent being angry with my husband, I am missing out on so much, wasting such precious time which could be spend loving and being loved, but it just does not happen.

Not having my husband around for any possible reason terrifies me, I love him, I love him to the core, he is my best friend, my companion, my soul mate, the bond that I share with him ever since we both were teenagers cannot be replaced by anything. He is a wonderful man, and I need to understand that time flies, it is never the same, it never comes back. These are such clichéd lines but so true. I need to start living in NOW, not worry about tomorrow; perhaps future will pave a much better path than I anticipate. But I am such a planner, I need to know what holds for me in the future, I cannot live without knowing what is coming ahead. And this idea occupies the better half of my brain most of the time. I don’t need to worry about my new house, my daughter’s education, her marriage, a better brighter future, all will be taken care of by my man and I am there to support him.

But Alas I am not very sure for how long I can cling on this thought or it will again pass as it always does once the impact of the movie fades. But I am reiterating whatever I decide each time I ponder after a fight, Living NOW is important, being loved is important, keeping away your differences and still loving is important, cherishing today is important, keeping no grudges is important. We can always make a better life if we are together, loving each other, but this time, this will not come back. We should be able to respect what god has given us, blessings of being loved by someone. It is one life that is given to us we should able to give it our best so that we don’t have any regrets later. Life is mad but coming out sane is all is needed. Let us not give life a chance to make us feel remorseful, let us be around the one we love and make him feel special NOW. Let us embrace our today so we can be happy and blissful tomorrow.

P.S. : I Love You

Self Appreciation is the Best Medicine

I have been the center of a crowd for as long as I can remember, at school, college, work, among my cousins everywhere, I have always had people around me. I could never make out why, because I am pretty (I don’t think so, I mean yes I like to think I look good but I don’t look like some fairytale princess), probably because I am funny (that could be one of the reasons, though most of time I find it hard to comprehend what was funny in what I said), probably because I am just ME, yes this could be it. How do I say it, I have always been a fan of myself, I love the way I am. And there is nothing wrong in liking yourself, for all I know it is great to celebrate who you are and the way you are, it renders such peace of mind. It is so OK to acknowledge compliments, when someone says to me “You look great”, inadvertently my answer is “Isn’t it, I know”, it probable offends some as it comes out too blunt but it suits me fine. There is nothing wrong in feeling that I am the BEST. Of course I always keep room for improvement, I don’t exactly brag about myself always but I appreciate myself. Reinforcing good things about yourself and not the crappy ones surely makes you happy and you start trusting the good side of yours rather than the ugly one.

So I thought it would be a good exercise to jot down things I like or more appropriately LOVE about myself. You see it can act as confidence booster on days when I feel low!! So let me start my ride to a journey which is so enthralling that it will reinforce my being PERFECT 😉

1)  I am Brutally Honest : Oh yes, I am , call me judgemental, dogmatic, but that’s the way I am. And trust me most of the time I am right. I cannot simply feign someone I am not, I hate small talk, false praises. That’s just not me. I am a scorpion and if I don’t like you, you will have it written all over my face. So I probably have a lot of people around who hate my guts, but to each its own. Seriously I give a DAMN !!


2) I am an adventurist at heart : OMG this one, I totally adore myself for, things have changed a bit now ever since I became a mommy J but I was always that girl who you could ask to just get up and leave for a new destination and I would have just left. I love travelling, exploring, observing, and everything in between. I learn from these experiences of mine.


3) I Love my Family : I can’t live without them, no matter how much I crib and want alone time but the truth is they are my life and they are all I have. They let me be, remain patient with all my tantrums and absurdities and that’s what makes them special. The thing is it is not easy staying around me, Trust me, I can be the most snarky lil B***H if I have to be, so it is not easy around me. Probably my family deserves a gallantry award for putting up with me.


4)  I am Hopelessly Romantic : Well my husband will sure vouch for me on this one, because it irritates him the most, solely because he is the biggest moron in the field of love (But not love making 😉 ). I am all for the mushy gushy things love comes with. Gift me flowers,  chocolates or anything, just sweep me off my feet, surprise me, pamper me.  I am the one who celebrates all from rose day to valentine’s day. So I am as romantic as one can be.


5) I am ALWAYS ready to Learn : I live by the theory “You are never too old to learn”, this I learnt from my father. I am passionate about new things, learning them, I simply cannot be outdated. I have to keep learning and improving or something inside me will die. Like for example, I am not very techno savvy, I know my phone and laptop as much I want to use it, but if u ask me about syntax and programs I will be like “DUH, dude what are you talking”. But I am making efforts to learn.


6) I can make you Laugh : They are many around me who will vouch for this one. I always tend to bring a smile across people around me. And trust me it is so unintentional. I don’t know if it is what I say or how I say it, but people have a good time around me. I am always surrounded by them. I am absent from office for one day and I have messages and calls pouring in inquiring my whereabouts.


7)I am very very ambitious: Oh yes I am! I just want to do so much with my life, achieve so much. It is like I yearn for wings to fly, I am unstoppable. At the moment I have not encountered the perfect opportunity, but I am very sure soon I will. Nothing deters my drive to achieve, no failures, no pessimism around, absolutely nothing.


8) I Trust in the Almighty : Ever since I was young I can remember believing in a power that guides and protects me. It did not have to be an idol, but there was somebody which over time was replaced by God. I have full faith in him, nothing can go wrong as long as he is around. I might not be all truthful to people around me, but I am all truthful to my Lord and that’s all that matters.


9) I cannot Endure Injustice : I just cannot, it is so not me. Injustice in any form, to women children, old age, mental, physical anything I am not ready to take. I could be directed to me or anyone around me, if it is happening around me I have to voice it. I cannot bear it at any cost. I have to take a stand to the best of my ability and capability.


10)              I love being a MOTHER : As much as I may crib over, it is the best feeling ever. I have decided against having a second one as of now because I cannot simply do nappy changing, feeding, running around, be sleep deprived, give away my passions and career again for sometime at least, but still having my little one around makes me so complete. All her little nuances, something  new each day brings a smile on my face. Undoubtedly the best feeling ever.


So I big round of applause for me!! (Thank you, Thank you I whole heartedly accept your congratulations for me being the person I am 😉 ).Trust me if I ponder over I might and I am very sure I would find 10 more good things about myself. You see its not self-obsession but self- appreciation. This is due to me, if the world is not giving it to me I will have it on my own ;).  






We Never Want to Be Raped : Plain and Simple

This one is coming up Bold, but nevertheless this needs be conveyed.

Just recently I had some urgent errand to complete and the scanner at my workplace was out of order, so I had to go to a nearby photocopy shop to complete the work. It was a small place with a floor occupied by photocopy machines and a guy standing in his mid twenties waiting for me to explain him what I wanted. He asked me to get my scanned copy from downstairs. I followed him to a dingy looking shack in the basement with two men sitting with a computer. The mere sight of that scene sent me goose bumps, chills to my body. I was scared to hell to enter that place. Though everything went out smoothly must I say, the men were nice, they did their job, no lewd looks, or remarks but yes I only let out a sigh of relief when I finally left.

It was only then on my way back home that I realized that just what has happened to us, the females of India, why has this fear settled into our conscience.

What I have really learnt from growing up as a girl in India is, that it is not the circumstances, not the sexuality of a female, not what we wear, nor what we say that instigates a man, it is totally the disposition of the males that is wholly and solely responsible for heinous crimes like these. We belong to a society wherein we nurture our daughters in such a way that over time they themselves feel that they are vulnerable showpieces. We educate them, encourage them for sports, extracurricular, want them to be independent but I believe that only a small fraction of the society does this solely for the girl, it is more to grab a suitable suitor for their daughter. I am very sure that when a girl child is born in India, (undoubtedly most of the urban society now feels happy, things have changed), but the happiness is also immediately invaded by thoughts of the mere responsibility this girl child will be, her marriage, and thoughts of making all possible provisions to keep her safe in this world starts to ingrain the minds of the parents. Then how do we expect these girls to become confident young adults??

We are in the habit of undermining the women so much that every raised head of a female is bashed up by thousand raised fingers. How did rather one decide that who is the stronger gender, was it merely on the basis of physical strength. This catastrophic conclusion was reached thousands of years ago and hence we are still taking the brunt of these actions. From goddess Sita who had to give herself up to the whimsical doubts of his husband Ram who did not consider the fact that the same lady left all worldly pleasures to be with her husband who was out fulfilling the whimsical demands of his father. He forgot the fact that it took a lot for a girl to give everything up for her husband. And then there is Draupadi who accepted being wife of five husbands, gave up her love, nobody bothered to know what she wanted, who she loved, and after all this too she sets a bad example in history of someone who slept with more than one man, Draupadi is synonymous with derogatory terms in the present time, but what people fail to understand is that it was not by her choice. Apparently our forefathers failed to set a very good example for respecting females. History is proof that women were always treated as mere objects of pleasure.

There are certain things that just plainly need to be understood and accepted, the bodily autonomy of a girl needs to be respected no matter what. We need to accept that it is very OK for a female to want and enjoy sex. Here in India and probably elsewhere as well women are not meant to like sex, it is merely an act to gratify men for their deed, for them being in our lives, or plainly for they being men. A woman’s sexuality seldom exists for her own. Mostly a woman who is outgoing, confident about herself, capable of taking control, outspoken, is considered a dreadful, abominable being. It is OK to have more male friends than females, OK to dress to our liking, get drunk at parties, come home late at night, and doing any of this does not mean we become open to violence to our bodies. The tendency of society after rape is to find reasons, “What did the girl do to deserve it” and not, “Why the rapist did not stop”. Clearly no rape victim gives any signal, did not dress thinking, “OK today I am dressing perfectly to get raped”, nothing that we do implies that we are ready to be manipulated by anyone. We are capable enough and should be able to decide when to say “YES” or ”NO”, is it really so much to ask for. Yes females do want to have sex but with partners of their choice, in surroundings of their liking, and why NOT?

Every girl is born with a “I don’t want to be RAPED” birth right and you just cannot deny it to her, just cannot!! There are no excuses or justifications for rape, never have been, never can be. No one can disregard our NO, it is part of our existence. Rape can never be a punishment for how we dress, drinking too much, staying out late, or having a partner. Those are choices we make according to our liking, that does not entitle men to do what they do, and it is not a compulsion. A rapist can never have excuse for what he did, he can never justify it, he should only regret it. It’s a CRIME no matter what reasons are put up later. Rape victims are always blameless no matter what. Living by the idea that she must have done something to instigate the man is wrong and needs to go. We need to stop the culture of shaming and blaming rape victims, have quicker and fairer trials, stop the absurd culture of silent institutions towards this heinous crime. A woman needs to be respected in all means for a country to progress and this needs to be emphasized that’s it.

Happy Women’s Day Everyone!!






Similarity and Not Opposite Attract : The New BuzzWord

Well well where do I even start on this one. I can go all day long elaborating this topic. Is getting married a bed of roses, is it the most mushy gushy feeling ever, does being married completes you as the world says, is love and trust all needed for a successful married life. I have my doubts on all the above mentioned facts. Argggh and yes I have been married for a good five years now, so you can expect some pretty good feedback from my end. Dissimilarity in a relationship might seem to work on a superficial level but deep down similarities in both personalities play a pivotal role.

I fell in love with my husband and married him pretty young, he had created magical world around me, the world I had never seen, where everything it seemed was just plain PERFECT. And I got woven and stuck in the mystical world of love and marriage. From the beginning he was different from me, his interests, outlook never matched mine, but the physics theory of “Opposites Attract” occupied the better part of my brain. His nonchalant, living on the edge, being spendthrift, non-organised fascinated me.. I loved being around him, our differences attracted me more towards him. We were and still are Ying and Yang, totally opposites, but we are also Hillary and Tenzing for each other. You see dating is one thing and getting married is completely the opposite. Meeting for a day or spending a night is completely different from spending our entire lives with someone. Gosh and I did not realise this !! We read a lot that successful marriages is all about love, building trust, caring, accepting all odds. But all said and done trust me all this does not come easy. I love my husband, he has been my best friend like forever now. I can’t think of a day that I haven’t shared my thoughts with him; you see I have to or else it keeps lingering inside me. He makes me laugh like no one else ever can, he bullies me, pampers me and does everything right, he loves my parents, is more patient than I am, is a good father to our daughter, keeps my secrets, the list is too long, but still there is something about him that still irks me. I can’t really explain what, it is either him or the institution of marriage itself that gets on my nerves I am not sure.

All I know is that marriage is not a cake walk, accepting someone with all their flaws, might be spiritual but it does not come easy. See the thing is as the cliché goes “Opposites attract each other” but it is such a farfetched reality. Opposites attract but after a course of time the traits of being opposites is what starts irking. Love does not dwindle in a marriage it has not, atleast in mine but other things take priority, work, family, money, and then it becomes difficult to find a balance. I miss the old carefree times of our dating, where every date was special, but slowly life after marriage becomes monotonous, especially if you don’t share the same interest like in mine, I love travelling on road, living in cheap places, eating roadside food, bag packing and leaving for just anywhere but my husband’s idea of a holiday are five star destinations, I love reading, he hates it, I love movies, he is not a big fan, then how do we find a balance?????

I am still finding the answer to this, finding a middle ground. Come to think of it, at times its good too, he is so busy that I get time to do my things my way. But nevertheless I miss him. I want him to be a part of my adventure as much as I want to be a part of his (He does not have many adventures though). He may sound very boring here but he is not, he is a total freak just that his idea of fun is different from mine. His idea of life is different from mine, his aspirations are different from mine. In being different from one other we do fill the void where we are incomplete but fail to complete ourselves as well. Having someone with the same disposition as ours is important as it affirms the consistency of our desires, thoughts, and attitude.

Perhaps sacrifice is one of the options to attain equilibrium in a marriage but I would like to vehemently believe that this is a temporary solution as is acceptance. It is also possible that over time we start appreciating and accepting our dissimilar interests. Nothing is permanent, so is the human mind, hence perhaps someday we might just end up enjoying things we both like. I have a near to perfect husband, probably it is only me who wants more out of my life.

Marriage in itself is a complicated and precarious balance of similarities and nuanced differences, but it is like baking a perfect cake, a lot of stirring is required to incorporate air and bake a perfect cake and finally enjoy.

Note: Written in a foul mood !!